A way forward
Possibly the first thing to realise is that whoever or whatever we value, probably won’t be around for as long as we want. It is very likely that the people who will help us will only be with us for part of our life.
It’s important to let go the grief before you can move on to the next period of your life. Cry as much as you want to – ideally in the company of someone who does understand. If there's no-one who understands you, it's better to cry alone !
The old approach was not to talk about unpleasant things. As a Nature Cure practitioner, I believe if something is on your mind, you should talk about it – even if that brings loads of tears. I remember when in primary school I was afraid of thunder and lightning. The teacher we had often changed from the subject she was teaching and encouraged us to talk about this when a storm was in progress. Somehow it relieved our anxiety.
I’m a strong believer in music as a therapy – music to suit your mood. It can help you to cry – it can help you to be happy.
To start with, every day, look back for the whole day, except for one hour, when you should try and concentrate on the present, and plan for the future. Cry if you want to – it’s nature’s way of relieving emotion and tension.
Gradually – over a period of months or even years, you’ll be able to reverse this – when you should reserve time to look back say for just one hour each day. The rest of the day you should try and look forward.
Sharing the bad things in life, they get easier to bear. Sharing the good things, they get better.
Having a religious faith will help. If you think there’s no God, can you accept there is an overall power? If there is no such thing, how is it then that we all have similar needs?
I have written this as a reflection of my own times of sorrow – notably two profound romantic relationships which caused me much anguish. Then I got involved with the Aberfan disaster. That experience changed my life – personally, and the direction of my career. For more information on this, see www.aberfan-remembered.net
Dr Louis Kraus from Chicago's Rush University Medical Centre commented on the after effects of the shooting at the Sandy Hook Elementary School, USA. Whether a person was directly involved or not, "the scars simply don't go away with a fresh coat of paint", Very apt for any sorrowful experience !
I would be very pleased to receive your comments and suggestions (see the side bar). Though we all have similar needs, we deal with everything somewhat differently. In that regard, we can learn from each other.
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